10 tips for international hotel designers

1. The showers are always too low

Why do I always have to stand in a bathtub, when I shower? I know the Japanese require a bathtub, but I claim a good, roomy shower is primary, a bathtub secondary. Everything else can be Japanese-themed, however.

2. Clean, comfortable floors

Wooden floors, please. Nobody likes old, dirty carpets. Or new ones for that matter. Throw on a rug, when needed. Eliminate static electricity.

3. Cool keycards that actually work

Make sure the keycards work. Too often you are stuck in the hallway with a non-functional keycard looking like an idiot. Make it work and make it into an attractive artifact that the customers will keep as a souvenir and a reminder to come back. Maybe even give points to people returning recharging the old ones?

4. User-friendly safe positioning

The safe is for frequent use and should not be hidden away. Some of us place our mini laptops, Sony Ericsson Walkman® Phones and Sony Ericsson CyberShot® Phones in our safe along with maxed-out but hopefully soon-to-be-filled-up-again American Express credit cards in the safe along with various bundles of cash currency and documents. We need to access this stuff. Don't place the safe at the bottom of the closet.

5. Rock Star Mini Bar

Customize the minibars. The MB's are money makers, so why not make the most of them? We all book our rooms online and usually get a choice of king- or queensized beds, when doing so. Let us stock up the minibars in advance and check into a room with a small refrigerator packed with our favourite drinks, not just random, overcharged mainstream products. You may suggest a list of choices and you may charge extra for this service. Make the customer feel like she/he is a rock star filling out their rider.

6. Free wireless.

Charging for Internet access is so nineties and so rude. Don't do it. Instead, offer additional e-services like a audio/video server, back-up services, printing services, etc. Oh, and remember to have plenty of multi-country adapters for everyone.

7. The bed is not only important for a good nights sleep

Hard beds. Soft beds are for morons. Real duvets (not a disgusting blanket with sheets!) and organic linnen, if possible. A complimentary toothbrush and toothpaste is a must and should be put on the pillow during turn down services instead of the usual piece of chocolate. Just put the chocolate on the bed table with a glass of water and a condom.

8. No dirty RC's!

Do regular check-ups of batteries and anti-septic cleaning of the remote controls. It's so annoying when you really want to check that news broadcast, sports event or just need a dose of crime show and the RC doesn't work. And even if it does work, it is such a hotel turn-off if it's greased in food from previous guests, which it usually is.

9. Help me drink the right amount of water

Plenty of high quality drinking water from a local supplier at a reasonable price. And fresh flowers are always nice.

10. Smart, streetwise, local guides (print-on-demand)

Exclusive, localized tips, not just a copy of a printed guidebook or event magazine. It makes you feel so special and it can make your stay 200% better than without, when you don't fall into tourist traps or worse. Call me, I can help you out in several cities around the world :-)

One more bonus tip: put cool art on the walls. Or no art at all. Cheap art makes you feel...well, cheap. You want to feel cool.

Check 1-11 and you have a cool hotel, where most of us would love to stay and come back again and again.

Do you have good ideas on how to make a hotel a better place. Leave a comment, please.

Illustration: Hotel Everland.

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